i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
