piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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