wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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