In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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