it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize