dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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