I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
