Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
