It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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