I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
