They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
