I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
