1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
