There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
