If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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