So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
