we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
