It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
