hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
