Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
