The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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