just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
