i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
