Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
