It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
