i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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