i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize