If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
