I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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