If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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