this beer tastes like vomit already
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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