She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My pussy is not your playground.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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