I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She told me I should be a condom model.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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