After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
