its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
