Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
