You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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