You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
