I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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