im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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