If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
