im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
