You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
