i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
