And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
