I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
