I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Let's paint friendship bongs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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