last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
