Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
