Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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