I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
