wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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