I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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