M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
