Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
