Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
