He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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