margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
