Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
