Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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