Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
