just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Randomize
