I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the condom got lost in my hair
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
