Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
