I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
