You work out of a Hotel?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I pour the whiskey from now on
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
