3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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