remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
