Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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